Alison is right; the sooner you put a stop to it the better. Advice: search for the ‘At least you don’t have cancer or an eating disorder’ post on this site. There are some very valid reasons to argue against surrogacy, but that does not mean the LW should be subjected to a debate about it. Unfortunately that meant my job search and our house search was all done in the middle of the pandemic. We drove across the country and camped (with a toilet tent!) This is appalling and should absolutely not be happening. It was a shared joke, and it’s something small, not expensive, intended to stay at the office — I think you’re good. It would be compared to (for example) following a giraffe rescue group via their social media and website, and they are hiring a media driven support person who has a degree in giraffe zoology studies. I’d be very tempted to lead with “oh the baby’s not mine – long story!” and a friendly laugh. All interviews were phone/video, even though they asked me to come in person (I politely but firmly refused). Gifts can be easily misconstrued and it is better (and more respectful of the work relationship) to stop than to try to justify. I agree, and when returning the stuff I would add, “I really don’t like to waste food or see it used as a joke.”. He can be a bit too pretentious and self-righteous for me. That woman, Molly Skye Brown, continued railing against her Tuesday, insisting Giuffre was a recruiter rather than a victim. 2-time surrogate here, once for local friends and once for an international single dad. And it’s weirdly not any one reason why. Describing the unexpected challenges that affected your projects puts your work in context. I’m a technology trainer for a hospital system, so there were obviously lots of tight and urgent timelines for creating resources to support COVID needs. Beyond that, shelters and food banks have specific wishlists of high-need items that are what donors should focus their efforts on. She enjoys when I help her out because, in her words, “You know I’m old, not stupid.”. ), passing on small food items? I knew nothing about wells, about pumps, I hadn’t even taken a groundwater hydrology class, yet I was hired to work with groundwater. Alison’s usual advice is that you don’t have to specify beyond that. Police didn't disclose Quinto's death to the public for nearly a month. My gifts to my children had no strings attached. The movers were great, very professional, and we just wore masks the whole time. I just treat my colleagues like their experiments are actively trying to kill me, until proven otherwise, and it usually works. I think, in the example you give, I would focu on your media skills and how quickly you can pick up new content. Some of them were due in March of last year. So of course we were getting unqualified candidates…because they were technically qualified. – I’ve stayed connected through phone and Zoom dates to friends back in Texas. I would definitely be more cautious for a job description that explicitly asked for a degree in the field. He gave me a dildo. I definitely hope that they wouldn’t bring it up in a business context, though, no matter how they feel about it. (The exception is if you don’t meet a requirement that they make clear is really central to the work.) The one caveat for #3 is Federal Employment. I just wanted to throw that out there in case it offers you new information and a way to potentially avoid doing any in-person meetings until your pregnancy is over. #2: I think this depends on where you are and where your clients are. I love all this (but the part about your kids reactions was hilarious). We did actually get sick a few days after flying down for the move, but we were fine in 48 hours, it was a mild flu or something because I am still negative for covid antibodies. Your experience reinforces my opinion on this one: So often, they themselves are deeply entrenched in the field and they don’t see it. Where I did feel like moving put me at risk was ultimately having new housemates — this obviously doesn’t apply if you’re able to have your own house/apartment. Obviously there’s being very professionally cool, but I don’t think anything that subtle would get through. #2: If you’re out about your pregnancy to your colleagues, you could ask them how much family small talk normally occurs and use that to tailor your communications strategy. That was the hardest part–trying to work my full time job while my partner attended full time school in a single hotel room with two dogs! But everyone was super helpful and patient, and our new state is being really flexible with deadlines and requirements right now, so it all worked out in the end. But it turns out that the hiring panel technical expert thought my other experience was more relevant, and that soft skills were the harder ones to learn and more critical to success, while the hiring manager really clicked with my values. It’s not that far, but far enough that I didn’t want to visit to find housing before the move. We studied it briefly when I was at university doing law. Nooooo. Ugh, yes. It was months before I made my first friends and even then I made them by ignoring COVID precautions. This is absolutely the kind of thing you can mention in your cover letter and in your interviews! That’s nearly impossible for a layperson to do on their own. Ideally, you’ll get a mix of people with good qualifications and bonus points, but sometimes you end up with only people who had special points but no substantive job qualifications. Something like: “Oh I really hate food waste so now you’ve had your punchline, you can find it a good home” You can even make it a joke: “Well, I don’t wear slogans so you’ll just have to get to know me to discover my opinions” or “Blimey Angela, just send me a message when you want to tell a joke! And the ones who don’t aren’t blacklisted or put in a “Can You Believe The Audacity?” file or anything like that. It’s not uncommon for people to have all kinds of questions about people using ART and over the years I’ve heard some doozies! I don’t think it’s quite THAT bad. We stayed in hotels on the highway and masked up to see the front desk or pick up fast food to eat. Or is once every 2 years is ok for a cheap joke-y present? Juan Manuel’s background as an economist at Scotiabank with a focus on international trade as well as European and North American economics brings a macroeconomic focus to his analysis of currency markets. ), there *is* a gendered aspect to this. Gold bars are not jewellery, they are vastly more expensive :D. However, I would go with the advice to hand it back to her and directly and pointedly saying that you do not want them and putting them back on her desk or in the break room. post, is that IME getting hired when you don’t match all the qualifications can also make it harder to feel empowered to negotiate. I’m in a similar position to OP #5: I got laid off last fall. Their family lives in Georgia and we thought we would stay at a hotel in order to get tested and quarantine before any contact. I chose to fly in/fly out in one day on Delta who was still spacing seats and then I also paid for movers (though packed on my own). He married a woman just like him and they are very happy together. But if you have to fly, you should ask the airline about how they are spacing out people on the flights, and if they’re putting strangers next to one another, I’d just not fly with them. What advice, if any, do you have for how to handle (a) current clients who we have longstanding relationships with and (b) meetings with important figures on behalf of clients? Ob kochen, backen, entsaften, zubereiten oder verstauen. Just make sure to check out local FB groups and mutual aid pages to see what the situation’s like, and who you can potentially turn to for support when you get there. It’s still a risk I’d rather not take. I remember not applying for a job because I didn’t match everything but then when a less qualified colleague said he was going for it I felt like I was being too cautious and said “Oh me too”. I did apartment viewings over a video call and that worked for me fine (I REALLY LOVE my current apartment). LW1 – I am frequently unable to imagine myself using one of Alison’s scripts because it feels unacceptably blunt to me. We flew down to the new city we moved to in order to househunt, masked and luckily no middle seat so just him and I in our row. But that may not work because (a) people may try to draw you into further conversation about it, and (b) people may then ask about the babies in a few months and it might be weirder to explain at that point. how can I stop my employees from giving me holiday gifts? #1 My mom is kind of like this. Relocating for a job during the pandemic. Shocking to me that you can still get sick with anything else with how careful everyone is, but there you go. Hotels or motels who are taking precautions. I packed my own things. Is it inappropriate for me to apply? I flew on a plane and met with a realtor in the new city and looked at houses for 4 days and with her advice found something great, since my house sold in one day on the other market. Your understanding of the law is correct, my friends had to adopt their own child when it was several months old. Then donate it; luckily it’ll keep till you have enough to take. This is decent advice if it’s your grandma (which honestly this reminds me of MY grandma a little) but yeah it’s not great for coworkers – no matter how sweet she is, it’s uncomfortable and a bad dynamic to get into at work. Inventory is low so people are paying above asking price on houses. The tech having evolved faster than the law is one of the bigger controversies, especially with regard to some (rare, but horrifying) cases of child abandonment. I’m guessing #4 is in Iowa. My social life had died in March (as did most peoples’). – I joined several Facebook groups specifically to meet friends and connect with other people moving here. I studied geology for school, but what does a geologist know about chlorinated solvents? I moved from one coast to the other at the end of the year. This has proven helpful not just for those of us who like to WFH, but really opens up the talent pool. Personally, I’d drive to the new location if humanly possible; if I’d had to fly I might have reconsidered the move. Not everyone who has a problem with it is a horrible bigot. All of the other movers that have moved people in and out here have had a stringent set of rules to follow for safety and I’ve only seen that one group disregard them. While surrogacy is controversial, I believe LW2 should also be prepared for people who want to know _everything_ about how this pregnancy came to be, including people who might ask if she had sex with the bio-father. *Before anyone jumps on me for not doing a good enough job – it’s things like “should this be a semicolon or should we break it into two sentences?” There’s certainly worth in discussing that, but when we wind up waiting days or sometimes weeks for her review because she’s going back and forth, it gets to a point where we’d be better off printing it and then changing it later. No one will be affronted if you apply for a job you aren’t a perfect fit for — people do it all the time. Being blunt does require a certain degree of assertiveness that I think women are often discouraged from having, because “assertiveness in a woman = rudeness”. Once we moved, we started house hunting (realtors have covid protocols in place and mask requirements for the process), and closed on a new house by the beginning of November. We were worried we’d take a loss, but ended up coming out even, so there’s that. “Op1, just accept the gifts. So no house hunting for me yet. This switch happened in March and actually came at a great time for me personally because in August I got pregnant with someone else’s babies. They arranged movers – who came in with masks, gloves, and we all had to fill out COVID questionnaires before they’d even step foot. I had to scroll back up to reread! If they say no, find someone else. There’s no evidence in this case that this colleague is obtuse enough that she wouldn’t respond to a gentler approach. My parents are also in their 60s, and when I told them about this they thought it was very weird! I didn’t have a med tech background, but I had the important, fundamental skills for the job, and I was able to pick up the rest as I went. She’s trying to be nice, and making people uncomfortable in the process. We don’t even read the resume if I’m the hiring committee chair, just nope it on out of there. Avoiding public bathrooms (but do dispose of your litter of all types responsibly). The women are wayyyyy qualified – and the men are not qualified. Should I Confess That I Lied In A Security Clearance Interview Because My Boss And Former Affair Partner Asked Me To? Plus, if they turn you down what are you out? It’s kind of blah but fine for now and worth the trade off. :-). And I suppose I managed to convince them that I was able and motivated to direct my own learning on the job to make up for the gap in my technical knowledge reasonably quickly. In that case, it might be better to go with “carrying the babies for another family” (this language is IME strangely more acceptable), or just not mention the surrogacy at all if it’s clients they don’t expect to see often. The buy vs. rent debate is real in a way it normally isn’t. Not to jobs you have zero ability for, of course, but ones where maybe you aren’t everything on their wishlist but you tick enough boxes that it’s worth meeting you. Do you think there’s a difference between talking about interest vs. passion? That doesn’t at all resemble the situation described in the letter. But if you really wouldn’t be happy with very minimal social outlets or pushing ahead in a somewhat solitary work environment to start I’d think twice. There is a link in Feotakahari’s comment above, ICYMI. A lot of people oppose Christianity for similar reasons – that wouldn’t make it acceptable to bring up anti-Christian points with a vendor wearing a cross. US federal employee and former federal contractor here. They paid the supervisors (a pittance but it was actual money) to guarantee at least 2 attorneys showed up. Lugging furniture and boxes is hard work so I understand them not liking the masks, but they responded fine to the reminders – no defensiveness. It was incredibly sad for the parents and the surrogate. It’s a cute idea but just imagine the incredible awkwardness of receiving a gift of jewelry from this woman. 4. LW 1, if she continues to gift you, you could reply: “OurTown Food Bank thanks you!”. Boundaries. The housing market is wild and I nearly lost my nerve because of the stress of the two closings. I’ve flown a bit during COVID, and have found that airports that often had reputation for delays are doing better which made this feel like a better calculated risk. Honestly the biggest move-related inconvenience has been because we didn’t bring our falling-apart sofa and elected to just get a new one here. I ended up turning to online social groups and have become quiet happy in that aspect. I still don’t know a lot of people, but I have a core of support that is worth its weight in gold. One woman had the couple’s child and the couple could not come to get their baby, due to covid and travel restrictions. Most other coworkers are on the “just thank her and donate it/throw it out” train, but I think they just got used to her odd behavior. It beats getting random condiments. There are positions in my field with NGOs that may be more flexible about hiring someone out-of-state and the federal hiring freeze that accompanied the change in administrations has just lifted, so there are other options out there. Scamming people on a daily basis - 2018-02-15 As with many topics people can reasonably disagree on, there is a huge difference between, “I oppose surrogacy, so I am not going to be a surrogate or engage the services of a surrogate, and I’ll explain my views in reasonable conversations with other people.” It needed to be shut down. Regarding #1 (guessing people’s tee shirt size) – just don’t. It was a difficult decision; there were definite pros to it (more autonomy, more room for professional growth, very difficult type of job offer to get, somewhat more interesting work than I have now, higher pay), but some serious cons (higher cost of living that would have more than swallowed all the salary increase, worse work-life balance for at least 5 years, having to relocate to a new city where I knew no one). Let me join in the chorus of people who are telling you you’re wonderful. Like Alison says – the worst that can happen is that they reject you. If you have strong skills in your function, a smart hiring manager will recognize that and value it over relevant experience, even in an industry that’s super lingo-heavy like mine. Or report it anonymously to OSHA. Yes, she wants to get a logo that says, “The Weirdoes” (not exactly that, but close enough). Even as a student you’re not disposable. He calls back: “They said it’s 85% of X and is non-negotiable.” A targeted gift campaign is much more uncomfortable and irritating! I’m glad that I did it. That’s a possibility with multiples. Not to mention the first trip I didn’t have an easy pass and the tolls icked me out bad (seriously, please don’t give me that change back). I didn’t know folks in my new state, so I made a point of picking a home in a neighborhood where it seemed like people talk to each other, and I switched my location in a dating app to the new city before I actually arrived. Make sure you’re coordinating all that with enough time in advance given recent delays in USPS and other delivery services. I had to call different rental companies and was able to get a unit “as is”. Once, in my early career, I went toe-to-toe with my very senior director boss and the head of HR at Very Big Company. My movers broke a bunch of furniture (despite my not going with the cheapest bidder). I think in a US context, where the surrogacy context seems to be “one person helping out another”, then it should be fine and would be rude to comment on. I brought it up with the management once that we would lose many great non-bilingual candidates who (say) spoke Chinese/German etc. I had to consider moving during the pandemic due to job reasons, either to cities where the job were posted, or back home to my family (all in other states, not just cities). Probably the worst part was having to eat nearly every meal in the car. We moved to a state approximately 800 miles away this fall, and also bought our first house there. I did ask her to video chat an extra visit to the place I was interested in prior to making my offer to be sure I remembered the space properly and that worked very well. I hope you don’t need to puke on anyone’s shoes! It is so incredibly kind of you (and OP!) Move ~700 miles over the summer. My coworker won’t stop buying me gifts, I work in a fairly relaxed office atmosphere. But they wore masks the whole time packing and loading, and wore them again to unload at her new city. I think there is a big difference between liking the looks of giraffes, which is nice but not likely to be useful, versus reading articles that are potentially related to the job and wanting to contribute to that literature, which seems most relevant. Joking aside, I agree with shutting this down and leaving/returning the stuff to her desk. 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